not a beautiful or unique snowflake (nothings) wrote,
not a beautiful or unique snowflake

  • Music:
I recently quoted someone as saying to me (roughly): "How you live is to me being dead."

This was one of several ways I got her to express the opinion while I was trying to understand what she meant, and perhaps it is a misleading one.

(This is meant, to a certain extent, as a reply to a comment on the above post, which you should read.)

As I was saying, perhaps the choice of quotes I gave misrepresents her, or rather, misrepresents what was actually being discussed. We had been talking about love (in which I have never been), which led to discussion of passion, which led to the question of what things I care about, which led her to make me a simple challenge: name five things that matter to me.

And I barely, slowly, ground out four answers. Some of which were forced, some of which were exaggerations; but then there are others that I wasn't thinking of off the top of my head but that are there. (Her point was that she could have come up with hundreds, presumably.) See my previous entry, about food, for an example.

She said that, for instance, seeing the sky mattered to her.

Assuming this wasn't just a semantic confusion (I say I enjoy things, but they don't matter; she says they matter to her), then, to her, what passes for "living" for me is to her being dead. Not that how I lead my life--the way I spend my days--is being dead; who-I-am is being dead.

But I agree with caitlin's analysis of this as a moment of both distance and connection.

More to follow.
Tags: happiness
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